Q. What is The Happy Kid Tool Kit™?
A. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ originated out of our team desire to offer to our own children the basic guiding principles of Reality that had so changed our own lives. ∨
The Reality Mat™ is a primary tool used to teach the Happy Kid Tool Kit™. The Reality Mat™ is the printed and expanded version (printed on a floor mat and or game board) of a diagram originally done by Dr Stephen Karpman, phd. called the Karpman Drama Triangle, that has been a core part of the work Danielle has offered in various formats for years, with powerful and transforming results. The Drama Triangle, (we call it the Unhappy Kid Triangle™) depicts the three roles of Unhappy Kid Consciousness (a state of mind that prompts us to feel at the mercy of something outside us — or, prompts us to rescue someone else who we perceive as needy, mistreated, or unable …) and helps us locate where we are, and where our children are, on the Unhappy Kid Triangle at a given time. Since ALL dysfunction takes place on the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ Once we locate the source of our misery, (being on the triangle) we share tools for stepping beyond the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ into one of the three Happy Kid roles instead. It’s a model that is highly visual and kinesthetic for greater learning appeal for children ages four and up.
Once the principles of Happy Family Training on the Reality Mat™ are learned, children automatically move towards becoming self-diagnostic and self-regulating. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ promotes self-responsibility and age-appropriate independence among children, so that children can learn healthier options and make more mature choices that move them off the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ to the more preferred, Happy Kid role. Their relations with other children improves whether supervision is immediately available or not. They no longer require constant external supervision to insure that they are acting responsibly. They WANT to be responsible simply because it FEELS BETTER!
So it’s a model that is easy for child-care professionals to learn and to use with children who have all sorts of issues. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is relevant in every situation, and can be used both as an educational tool, and as a tool for crisis management.
Q: What is the difference between other styles of therapy for children and the Happy Kid Tool Kit™? Are they similar?
A. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is an educational model designed to teach all children, regardless of their background, behavioral difficulties, or diagnosis, simple, highly effective tools to help them make healthier choices and become self-responsible, honest, courageous, and all round happier kids. ∨
Children’s therapy is specifically focused on diagnosis and treatment for specific conditions, such as emotional trauma, ADHD, autism, etc., or various kinds of illness, handicaps or physical abnormalities, including mental illness, emotional trauma, and/or personality disorders, often with the use of behavior modification techniques, or prescription medication. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is based on simple guiding-principles that apply to all life. These guiding principles are the underlying premise of Reality, and when applied, further the quality of life, and because the principles are simple and true, children “get it” faster, and are quick to apply them immediately for much improved communication.
The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is a format that was created with every person, every child, in mind. It was designed to share basic truths with children to help them feel better about themselves, and about life by befriending Reality. Basic life tools for attaining a happier life are something that every human being can benefit from.
Q: How does your model prepare/train teachers and guidance counselors to effectively deal with bullying and Helpless Baby dynamics in the classroom? Do parents benefit from this training too?
A. One of the wonderful offerings of The Reality Mat™, is the way the process handles those who bully. The Happy Kid Tool Kit teaches that there are no bad kids on the Unhappy Kid Triangle™, only confused kids, who believe they have to interact in particularly, often painful, and unhealthy, ways in order to stay safe and in control. ∨
We do not shame kids for bullying behavior. We have not noticed that making kids feel worse, helps them do better. Change cannot occur until a child feels safe enough to allow it. What we do instead, using the Happy Kid Mat™, is to simply explore with the aggressor child what sequence of events follows an act of bullying.
We help bullying kids notice how they too get propelled around the Unhappy Kid Triangle™; they don’t simply stay the bully-in-charge, but move instead from one unhappy role to another, until they too end up as a victim, Helpless Baby™. This is awesome awareness for a kid who has been convinced that bullying keeps him/her safe. Suddenly they see it does NOT keep them safe at all! Our goal is to help those kids explore, and choose, healthier ways of interacting towards themselves, as well as towards others.
What most bullies really want to ask is, “What can you offer me that works any better than what I do already?” For years, we could only offer words, that like sweet pablum, sounded okay, but really were no help at all. Feeling totally powerless over the bullies in our midst, we offer words and throw impossible consequences at them, hoping to at least get their attention. We tell them how bad it is to bully, that it’s wrong, and makes us mean people who are not nice, or kind, and we tell them how they hurt people, etc. In other words, we resort to shaming (bullying) the bullies, thinking we can shove them into right behavior. But, as many of us have noticed, that approach simply does not work.
But now, perhaps for the first time, we CAN show these hurting youngsters something that works better for them. We can show them on the Happy Kid Mat™ for instance, about how playing the bully role lands us in the helpless baby role every time! It’s a fact, all bullies, no matter how big or bad, end up as victims in the end.
We then introduce them to alternative ways of interacting that produce the feelings they, like the rest of us humans, really want; most of us simply want to feel safe, powerful, and valid. Bullies are no dummies. They, like all of us, want to feel better. We can show them how to get there, and, don’t be surprised, if your worse bullies don’t end up, through this model, to become your most respected leaders.
Q: How old does my child need to be to really benefit from the Happy Kid Tool Kit™? How about older kids, or adults? Do they benefit from this too?
A. We find that children as young as the age of four can understand the basics of the Happy Kid Tool Kit™, and begin to apply the principles taught in the Tool Kit to their situations at home. ∨
So, even young children can, and do, get this model.
On the other hand, I’ve been introducing these basic principles of Reality to people of all ages for years, with much success, so I don’t think it’s ever too late to introduce the Happy Kid Tool Kit™. Anyone with the reasoning capability of a child can achieve peace and happiness through these simple principles.
We’ve found that teenagers, for instance, and young adults, also resonate with the lessons taught in the Happy Kid Tool Kit™. The more anyone, whatever age or maturity level, works with the principles presented through the Happy Kid Tool Kit™, the better they get at applying them to their own life dilemmas and complex relationship issues. These simple, but true, principles of life, when applied, always bring self-awareness and clarity to any, and all, of our life situations.
Our general rule to determine the appropriate age for benefitting from the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ is this: if someone can understand basic concepts of life, (like for instance, “when we hurt others, we end up getting hurt too …” then that person can learn to apply this model. The younger the better, because there is a variance of success with people as we get older.
We find that the more entrenched someone is in old, dysfunctional patterns of belief, the longer it seems to take for them to apply and benefit from the tools offered. But the simple answer is that kids of all ages relate well to this material.
We’re all in this together, and there’s much to learn from the journey for both kids and adults — so climb aboard the Happy train, everybody, young and old alike. It’s time for real peace.
Q: What kind of effect have you seen the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ have on the students and parents you work with? What kinds of positive results have you seen through your work?
A. The Happy Kid Tool Kit™ shares building blocks for kids for developing positive self esteem, self reliance, coöperation with others, and harmony with life. ∨
By taking the shame factor out of being on the Unhappy Kid Triangle™, a child gains permission to openly confess and own their shortcomings and less-than-desirable behavior on their way to becoming a Happy Kid™, i.e., one who understands themselves better.
The Happy Kid Tool Kit™, once learned, allows a child to be self-diagnostic, and helps promote self-responsibility, and age-appropriate independence. Conscious Kids are better able to choose more mature responses that will move them off the Unhappy Kid Triangle™ and into the healthier roles that go with being a Happy Kid™ on The Reality Mat™. Their relations with other children begins to improve even when supervision is not immediately available. They stop needing so much external supervision to insure that they are acting responsibly, and become more self-regulating instead.
Children move away from the need to blame other people and situations for their unhappiness, nor do they feel the need to blame themselves. Without the need to blame, situations become opportunities for growth instead. Children learn to focus on what a given situation offers them and they learn ways to use whatever happens in their life as a way to gain deeper awareness, and broader self acceptance, as well as empathy and acceptance for others. There is greater harmony all around as a result. These are some of the benefits I witness regularly in the children, and families I work with.
Q: How long does it normally take to see improvement in my child?
A. Of course, the answer to this question depends on the individual and how committed the family is in bringing these tools into their home. The more parents, family members, as well as school personnel support these principles, the faster you can expect to see positive change. ∨
Having said that, I want to add that it has not seemed to matter really what the situation is, or how destructive the behavior being addressed, the principles that Happy Family Training™ are based on simply work (in proportion to the present maturity level of the individuals involved)!
The principles are obvious and effective, so that everyone with whom we have shared the Happy Kid Tool Kit™ (ranging from those aged four and up all the way to senior adults) recognize them as being true, and applicable. Seeing how the principles presented in the Reality Formula™ apply to their own life situation, that awareness alone, can prompt a shift in seeing that changes everything for the better … and that’s BEFORE the principles of Reality have been committed to as tools for consciousness!
It is not unusual for children to go home after the first session with enough information to change a previous self-defeating reaction to a healthier response. We don’t guarantee that this will happen for you, or your child … but we know, for sure, that the power to transform both your own life and the life of your child for the better is totally possible using these tools. We’re all in this together, and there’s much to learn from the journey for both kids and adults — so climb aboard the Happy train, everybody, young and old alike. It’s time for real peace.
Q: What forms of payment does Happy Family Coach accept?
A. We currently accept Cash, Check, and most major credit cards.